chocolamousse | Awakening

Awakening

Title: Awakening
Pairing: Sherlock/John
Category: Romance
Rating: PG-13
Beta: The brilliant

arianedevere
Word count: 869
Translation into Chinese available here (thank you, Lowtension!), into Czech available here (thank you, miamam!) and into Russian available here and here (thank you, Little_Unicorn!).
Summary: In which not a word is uttered but many things are said.

It's Nightwatch's sequel but you can read it as a stand-alone.

Last night I dreamed about Sherlock. Dreams are funny. They can make you perfectly happy while you're sleeping and for a few seconds after you've woken, then you remember and it's like a blow to your heart.

I haven't been having dreams for a while or, if I have, I don't remember them. My nights have been quiet, with no nightmares about Afghanistan or the cabbie. I suppose my unconscious has at last accepted the idea that the war is over for me, and that I arrived in time to save Sherlock. When I wake I feel quite rested and peaceful. I feel safe. This dream about Sherlock is the first one I can remember in a long time and it's a very vague memory. I just know that Sherlock was there and that he was looking at me. What I saw in his eyes, I'll probably never see in reality. But I can still feel the happiness it gave me.

~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up with a start, all my senses on the alert, my eyes wide open in the darkness. It's only a car that moves off noisily in the street. Everything's all right. I can go back to sleep. Just as I'm about to close my eyes again, I become aware of something at the limits of my peripheral vision, in the dim light coming from the street lamps. Sherlock is here, sitting on the floor next to my bed.

Taken aback, I stare at him without understanding. He's in his pyjamas and his dressing gown, his arms are folded on the blanket and he looks as if his head was laid on his arms and he has just raised it up. Completely still and seeming very tense, he looks at me with wide eyes. He makes me think of a wild animal caught off guard. If I make the slightest gesture, if I simply open my mouth, even if I just sigh, he'll run away. Or, and it will be worse, he'll start to talk and will give me quite a logical and acceptable explanation for his presence here, with a cold voice and cold eyes that will only be lies, and something very fragile and very precious will be destroyed, maybe forever. I don't even dare blink. I don't understand what's going on or why there's distrust in Sherlock's eyes but I feel that something terribly important is at stake.

And all of a sudden I remember. The dream I had a few nights ago comes back to me with absolute clarity. Sherlock, in the same clothes and in the same position, his head on his arms, looking at me. This time it's not a dream, everything has the texture of reality. And all at once I realise it wasn't a dream the first time either, Sherlock was really here that night. I remember how happy, how loved I felt, and I suddenly understand why he's looking at me that way now. I can see his fear of being rejected, hurt, pitied maybe. Oh, Sherlock...

Only a few seconds have passed since I opened my eyes. Time seems to have stopped. Sherlock and I are still completely motionless. I must do something, say something, but I'm scared. It's one of these moments that determines a whole life - two whole lives in this case. I can't find words. I don't trust them. So I follow my instinct and slowly hold out my hand to Sherlock, my palm upwards. It's an offer, an avowal, a promise. Sherlock gives a slight gasp. He stares at my hand, then at my eyes again. Through them I try to convey all my love, my longing and my long wait. He holds my gaze for what seems like an age but is only the passing of a few heartbeats. I can't read his expression. I have a lump in my throat. Then, very slowly, very carefully, he reaches out and lays his hand in mine. I gently press his fingers and he squeezes back. I feel as if I'm breathing again. Without a word I move back in the bed to make room for him, lift the blanket with my free hand and pull Sherlock towards me. He lets me and lies down next to me.

Face to face, our heads close on the bolster, our chests only separated by our hands still joined together, we don't take our eyes off each other. Sherlock's inner wrist rests on mine and I feel his fast pulse on my skin. Later there will be words, many words, questions, explanations and confessions, but not now. Now, in the shadowy light of this quiet bedroom, words are superfluous. I see everything I need to know in Sherlock's eyes. I don't know what he sees in mine but after a while he gives me a smile, a smile a bit grave and so trusting that my heart swells with happiness and love. "Now and forever," says this smile.

The first light of dawn comes through the panes. A long night ends. It's a new day. It's a new life. I press Sherlock's hand against my chest and I smile back. Now, and forever.

Author's note: This is for you,

verityburns! I wrote Nightwatch for you a year ago and I felt I owed you (and Sherlock and John!) a happy ending. Happy birthday!

There is a podfic now, by the wonderful

verityburns.

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Oh, I am melting... MELTING!

I'm so glad that you continued 'Nightwatch', that's perfect, and this is just the most beautiful thing. You have such a gift for the 'little moments' - the quiet times when nothing is happening, and yet everything is happening.

I had a suspicion that Ari's recent emails contained an element of hidden glee... now I know why! She knew this was headed my way, and she knew that I'd be squished into a squishy pile of squishiness as a result :D

Thank you so much, my very dear Chocola - you're raising the 'birthday bar' terribly high... I'm not sure the usual gifts of socks and the kids' favourite chocolate are going to be able to compete!

Verity, xxx

I have reduced Verity Burns to a squishy pile of squishiness. I think I can be proud of my work! :D

I'm so happy you like it! Do you remember that when I posted The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of you asked for a sequel? Well, actually Awakening is this sequel too because the three stories form a trilogy in my mind: first The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of (John has fallen in love with Sherlock, Sherlock loves him too but doesn't realise yet), then Nightwatch (Sherlock has realised but doesn't know it's reciprocal) and now Awakening, the happy ending. In fact it's only today that I remembered that John's nightmare about the cabbie killing Sherlock is in The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of and not in Nightwatch.*sighs* Anyway, you have two happy endings in one fic. Am I not a giver? :D

Ariane was a very lovely beta (but I don't need to tell you that), she's as patient as you are with tiresome non-native speakers who quibble over every word and ask dozens of silly questions. Lucky for me. :D

Happy birthday again!

Yay, a happy ending! *bounces*

Also, I had to go and read 'Nightwatch' again. *melts*

Also, you wrote a trilogy! That's totally advanced fic writing! Congrats! :)

Fave line: and something very fragile and very precious will be destroyed, maybe forever.
Because it wasn't!

Ok, what is it with me and your journal? It always takes all my structures out and leaves everything in one paragraph. *pouts*

Don't worry, it doesn't matter! Actually each new paragraph is indicated with an indent, like in Verity's comment or yours, or with a line space, like in Ariane's. No idea why it's not the same form for everybody. It's a MYSTERY.

Yes, I wrote a trilogy. I see myself as the Peter Jackson of Sherlock fanfiction. Except of course I'm much better than Peter Jackson because at least in my trilogy nobody dies at the end. Especially not Smaug. In my version Smaug becomes a stunningly beautiful man who is coincidentally Benedict Cumberbatch's spitting image and then he and Bilbo... Sorry. I might have wandered off a bit. In a word, hooray for happy endings! :D

Also I'm sorry I made you re-read Nightwatch. *lies shamelessly*

Ariane was a very lovely beta

Really? I thought I was like Arthur Shappey on peach schnapps. *whispers* I was terrifying!

But it was fun - and I tell you what, gang, working with a not-first-language English speaker is amazing - it really makes you think about your everyday language and consider why you say certain things that you just take for granted.

Plus, of course, I got to see this a couple of days before everyone else. And I knew the story would be amazing when I was already filling up with tears at the bloody summary!

I'm so proud of you, Choco - your writing improves with every story (and it was bloody brilliant to start with), and you have a natural ability to get inside the heads and hearts of your characters and show us what they're thinking and feeling, with such a beautiful soft narrative voice that I find myself leaning closer to the screen to listen.

I'm all wibbled out, but it was worth every moment. Never stop writing, sweetheart, because you are amazing. Now and forever.

And happy birthday, Vez! *squishes you*

Really? I thought I was like Arthur Shappey on peach schnapps. *whispers* I was terrifying!
You were terrifyingly lovely, if you prefer. :D

You're a very lacrymal person, aren't you? I give you pining, you cry. I give you UST, you cry. I give you fluff, you cry. I give you happy endings, you cry. It's only when I give you a celeriac and aliens that you don't cry. But it's fine. Tears and wibbling are very good to my ego. :D Thank you again for your very patient and very helpful beta-ing, you've been adorable!

you have a natural ability to get inside the heads and hearts of your characters
Well, for want of getting inside their bed...

Yeah, she cried a lot when I sent her 5,000 word chapters which had enough random punctuation to render half of tumblr grammatically correct.

It must be an eye problem - I wouldn't worry about it :D

By the way, she didn't delete any comma in the fic this time. And she added only two. I was rather proud. I think I start to master this comma isssue. :D

She ADDED two commas?! Where are they? Those babies are MINE!

The skip outside my house which is full of your commas, Verity, was starting to get smelly. So I've got to dump the buggers somewhere, and seeing as France sent Britain some weird smells last week, it seemed only appropriate to send a couple of the commas over to France.

(But I was kind - I washed them off a bit and sprayed them with Febreze before packing them off.)

LOL, this thread. I have a near-fatal weakness for semicolons if anyone wants to take a few off my hands...

Well, I cleared a bit of space in the skip by palming off a few commas on Chocolamousse, so send 'em over! They'll be in good company.

;)

;) ;)

(grit in my eye; I swear!)

There's nothing wrong with a good cry, whether it's because something is sad or because it's beautiful. It's not my fault if celeriac doesn't make me weep.

*sniffles just for the sake of it*

This is lovely!!
*Clicks on the link to go read Nightwatch*

Happy Birthday Verity!!!

Thank you very much! I hope you liked Nightwatch too.

Lovely, lovely, lovely. So glad they have a happy beginning! I won't call it an ending, though it's the happy ending to the story arc. But it's just the beginning of THEM.

But it's just the beginning of THEM.
You're so right, and you say that so well!

I remember your comment to Nightwatch, you said that John had no nightmares when Sherlock was there because his soul felt his presence. You see, you were right! :-)

Thank you very much for your very lovely words.

I have one little nitpicky correction. I think it should be "my subconscious" rather than "my unconscious".

Are you sure? Actually I don't think so. Anyway for Freud there is no such thing as subconscious, there are only conscious and unconscious, so let's say John is a Freudian disciple, okay? :D

"Sherlock's inner wrist rests on mine and I feel his fast pulse on my skin"

That's so oddly, beautifully, tenderly intimate. I almost feel the soft, soft skin that's there at the inner wrist, how fast Sherlock's heart is beating, he unequivocally John feels it.

"A long night ends. It's a new day. It's a new life."

And here we have your John and Sherlock origin story. Silent and sweet and perfect.

"Now, and forever."

Oh yes. Always forever, these two. Always forever.

This is beautiful.

I may have a soft spot for inner wrists. In My Favourite Hobby Sherlock waxed lyrical about John's, and now, that. Probably because it's a fragile and vulnerable spot. Do you think I found a new kink? :D

Silent and sweet and perfect.
*puffs herself up* Thank you.

About "Now and forever"... When I wrote this line I was delighted for a secong then had a moment of panic because I thought I had plagiarised the last lines of your This Time No. I was so relieved when I remembered it was "Ever and always"! :D

Do you remember your comment to Nightwatch? (Yes, it's a rhetorical question. I don't expect you to remember a comment you wrote three months ago!) You said there was hope at the end, and I answered, "Ooooh yes, there's hope, you're so right! There's even a happy ending, I didn't write it but it is always understood if I write the story. One day, very soon, John will wake up, for real this time, he'll really see Sherlock, he'll reach out aaaaand there will be kisses and confessions and cuddles and amazing sex, the end." You inspired me! (Well. The amazing sex is still understood.) :D

Thank you for this beautiful comment.

"Well. The amazing sex is still understood."

We all of us tell our stories in our own voices. This is your voice and it's a beautiful one, always rich, unhurried, gentle. So glad you write the way you write.

"Do you think I found a new kink?"

Yes. Yes I do. How fantastic. We should have a party! A NEW KINK IS BORN!

Excellent.

This is so lovely. And I envy you so much.

Happy birthday to Verity, I'm sorry I missed it - I got the notice in such short term that I knew I wouldn't have anything back from my beta in time.

Choco, your English and your beta are two of many things I envy you so much:))

Thank you! And yes, I'm very lucky to have Verity and Ariane to beta me. Believe me, my English would be much less enviable without them! :D

"A long night ends. It's a new day."

And lots of hope for the future - what a lovely tale.

Lots of hope, yes! Thank you very much. :-)

L'utilisateur

dancy_dreamer a référencé votre entrée depuis Wednesday, January 30th, 2012 (http://holmesian-news.livejournal.com/264965.html), qui dit : [...] by (Holmes/Watson | R | BBC) Awakening [...]

I'm late but now I could read all the comments and I had to read your whole epic trilogy again and now I can comment... well, I could, if I had words to describe my feelings after reading this. I'm kind of sad because I want to read on and on, and I'm smiling because they kind of have a happy end, but it's not an end at all. Love the:

A long night ends. It's a new day. It's a new life.

Damn, I love everything about this and I really think we should celebrate all of Verity's unbirthdays with Chocola stories!

Rox, every time I write a story you write an adorable comment and this one is not an exception to the rule. Don't worry about not having words, you have the loveliest ones. Thank you very, very much!

I'm so sorry I made you re-read the two other stories. *beams inwardly* I hope this time it was a happier reading and your heart didn't break up! You're so right, it's a wonderful beginning for them. (Er, I'm not saying I wrote a wonderful story, I mean it's a wonderful moment for them!) Actually you can see My Favourite Hobby as a sequel. (Hey, I wrote a tetralogy!) And you can see Going Home as a, er... *thinks hard* No, I don't think I can put Going Home in this universe. Dammit, I didn't write a pentalogy. :D

As for writing a story for all of Verity's unbirthdays... ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME OR WHAT???

Thank you again for your comments!

*pouts* Well, if you refuse to celebrate Verity's unbirthdays you could at least finish your pentalogy?

I... I'll think about that. God, you're so demanding. :D

Had a brilliant teacher! *looks at you*

I don't even know what you're talking about. *coughs*

Thank you for letting me know about this piece! I am so glad you gave this beautiful bookend to Nightwatch.

Thank you for your comment! I love happy endings too. :-)

What a perfectly written turning point. My heart turned over a little in my chest at John's growing understanding of the moment, and I thought to myself that that was an excellent emotional high point to a lovely fic. Then it did it again when he urged Sherlock to understand all his love and longing and waiting. And again. I'm in awe of how much contentment and quiet excitement this piece has inspired in me.

Aww, thank you so much, I love detailed comments and yours is so kind. I'm sorry about all the somersaults your poor heart made because of me. *lies shamelessly* Thank you again, for this lovely comment as for all those you sent me today. :-)

No need to apologise; it was an enjoyable sort of feeling, really.

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Awakening

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Wednesday, January 30th, 2012

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